Posted by: thisinfertilelife | February 2, 2010

The Backstory

This is my third blog.  Why does one person need three blogs?  For me, each blog has served a specific purpose and I’m at a point in my life where I need an outlet for an issue that doesn’t fit into either of my first two blogs.  I started my first blog in November of 2007 to chronicle and vent my frustrations trying to conceive our first child and coping with infertility.  I “retired” the first blog (although it is still out there for the world to see) and started my second blog on January 1, 2009, nine days after our twins were born.  My second blog is invite only because it has served as a virtual baby book for our twins and I see no need to make that public.

A small handful of my bloggy friends followed me to my new home a year ago and I hope some of them will continue on here as well (and maybe some new readers).  Bear with me as I get used to WordPress, as I’m a previous Blogger user and I’m not used to this yet!  I do have one sort of big request.  If you know me from a previous bloggy life, please don’t make the connection for others by calling me out on here.  I would like to maintain some anonymity IRL on this particular blog and I especially don’t want my family reading this.  But I have decided to make it public because I miss the ALI community.  Even though I still have some of my good bloggy friends, I know there are more out there who don’t read my private blog as it is either just too painful or probably annoying!

I’m starting this blog to express and share my thoughts about secondary infertility.  Although I have two beautiful children, they are the product of 3 years of trying to conceive including numerous IUI’s, 2 fresh IVF cycles, 3 FET’s, plenty of money and heartache and finally the elation of a positive pregnancy test.  Quickly followed by a difficult pregnancy of extreme morning sickness, contractions galore, preterm labor, low fluid, PUPPS, a traumatic delivery including our son’s broken arm, a uterine infection, D&C for retained placenta and gallbladder removal.  It has been quite a roller coaster ride!

So I find myself in a conundrum these days.  I’m finding so much joy in being a mommy that I want another child.  It started as a “maybe” and turned into a definite “YES!”  There are a couple of problems with this.  First, my husband is not exactly on board with trying for #3.  It has been a topic of comical disagreement, with slight tension underneath the surface, for a number of months now.  I say we’re having another, he says were not and then we laugh it off.

Even if I’m able to convince my husband to try for a third, what are the chances we have ANY control over the outcome?  I think it is mostly out of our hands.  Although I knew that if this was even a possibility, I would have to go back to the fertility clinic to figure out why I hadn’t had a period since the twins were born and I had stopped nursing 8 months and still nothing.  So I called my OB and based on my history of retained placenta requiring a D&C, she thought Asherman’s was likely.  Back to the fertility clinic I went.  After an ultrasound and painful hysteroscopy the RE confirmed that I had scar tissue covering my cervix (which he broke through during the hysteroscopy), but the uterine cavity looked fine.  And a few weeks later, I got my period.

With that taken care of, now my focus is back on convincing my husband that he wants a third kid!  And then how long do we try on our own before going back for more ART?  I have no idea.  Until I get too frustrated I guess.  I think I’m starting to make progress in convincing my husband as he is aware that I’m not taking birth control and he hasn’t made any effort in the way of prevention if you get my drift.  I’m sure he just figures that with our history, there’s not much chance we’ll get pregnant on our own.  But stranger things have happened.

Stay tuned.

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Responses

  1. Thought I’d send a quick note to give you my support. I haven’t been really good at keeping up with my blogs, but my story is similar. I had twins through IVF after ttc for over 3 years and they are the joy of my life. When they were 10 months old, I got pregnant on my own and have a baby that is 20 months younger. She is also a great joy and I am so happy to have gone down that path. My husband, though reluctant, is also overjoyed with our 3 beautiful children. The twins are now 4 and our girl is 2 1/2. I don’t think my husband was 100% on board at the time, but it just happened… Good luck and I look forward to reading about your journey.

  2. Wow, 3 babies maybe! Eek! But I’ll be curious to watch how the conversations with the husband go, and where you come to with all this. Curiously reading along, and supporting you where necessary:-)

  3. It is funny sometimes how parallel our lives really are and we don’t even know each other personally 🙂 I struggle with this right now as well with myself and have not even gone their with hubby yet!

  4. I’m glad you’re getting it all out…blogging is free therapy for Moms of twins who have no time to sit down for an hour and talk…good luck with everything!

  5. Wow – a secret blog!

    I am incapable of creating coherent thoughts much less try to write them down at this point so my comment will likely be rambling and nonsensical.

    I get it. I really do. I get the whole idea of another kid at the deepest levels. We stopped preventing when ARB was 4 months old. I was convinced that it would happen the old fashioned way. Yeah, it didn’t happen so we moved back into ART. In fact, (and NO ONE KNOWS THIS), the past 5 months has given us 1 failed IVF and 1 FET that resulted in a chemical. IVF#3 is currently in the works, and I should start Lupron next week. (Can I cuss on this blog?) This f*cking sucks. I want to put on something pretty and skimpy, have a nice glass of wine, get it on, and end up with a baby.

    Before IVF#2, I was ignorant that it might not work again and I was hopeful beyond belief that it would all work again quite nicely. Instead, I’ve had months of headaches, bloat, shots, shots, and more shots. Not to mention the thousands of up-the-ying-yang, vag exams to go with.

    And then I look at my beautiful little girl, and I feel like a greedy b!tch. Why should I complain about this when I already have a baby? (I don’t know if you feel the same – that’s just me.) But yeah, I do want another baby. MTB and I are not young-uns, and we will not be around forever. The thought that ARB could one day be totally alone in the world just kills me.

    I have my own secret blog…. it’s mostly just a place for me to keep track of appointments and estrogen levels. No one knows about it, and I blocked comments – no idea why, it just seemed the thing to do.

    So there you go. I get it. I really do.

  6. I could not imagine going through infertiltiy treatments again. I think it is a little different with surrogacy (maybe) I imagine I will want to have more children once our 2 little ones are here, but, the reality is we just could never ever affoard it (we will be paying this off until the kids are in highschool!).

    But, I am all for the majical get knocked up on your own bit! Wouldnt that be amazing!! So want it for you!


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