Posted by: thisinfertilelife | February 9, 2010

The Aftermath

So here’s what happened yesterday.  We were at Target and I grabbed a pregnancy test and threw it into the cart.  My husband did a double take, looked at me and said “really?”  “Maybe” I said.  “I’m no longer hungry” he said.  I took the test shortly after we got home and brought it down to show him.  He took a look and said “what does this mean?”  I said “I’m pregnant.”  He said, “is there any chance this could be wrong?”  I said, “nope.”  Then he asked me why I let him buy a new car last week.

My head is a jumbled mess right now.  I’m having an out of body experience and totally freaking out.  Yes, I’m over the moon and completely excited about this recent development.  But I am in shock.  I never expected it to be this easy.  Yes, it did require a hysteroscopy (which I’m still fighting my insurance company to get reimbursement for), but I never thought it would be as easy as just having sex with my husband.  Who knew that could work?

I have such a range of emotions right now.  I feel guilty.  Guilty for calling myself infertile and still feeling infertile.  Guilty for starting this blog and inviting others into my journey only to discover almost immediately that the journey was to be much easier than expected (the word “poser” comes to mind).  Guilty for even wanting a third child when I lucked out so much with the twins.

I’m also mad.  Why didn’t this happen when we first started trying to get pregnant?  If it was that easy, why did it take us 3 years, numerous invasive treatments with disappointment along the way and a boat load of cash?

I’m terrified.  Three kids under the age of 2?!  When we stopped protecting I figured it would be months if not years before we got pregnant again, if at all, and that it would take more IVF cycles.  It never even occurred to me that it would happen so quickly.  My husband just got a car that is probably not the best for carting around 3 kids in car seats.  Heck, I don’t even know if I can fit 3 car seats into my car.

How in the world am I going to get 3 kids to day care and back every day, not to mention paying for 3 kids in day care?  We will probably start looking into nannies, but I really think the kids get a lot out of day care and being around other kids their age.  We’ve finally got our morning and evening routines down to a science and I can’t imagine throwing a newborn into the mix right now.

How will the kids react to a new baby in the house?  If it is anything like how they react to the dogs, they will just try to beat up on the kid.

What in the world is my work going to say?  How is this going to affect my career?  I’ve just found my rhythm at work again.

I know I asked for this.  I went into this with open eyes and I want this more than anything in the world.  I just need some time to adjust and take it all in.  We’ll figure things out as we go, as with anything else.  I’m just reeling right now.

I’m happy.  Happier than I’ve ever been in my life.  Thank you everyone for all of your well wishes.  And I’m so sorry to those of you who might have been hurt by my news.  I hope all of your dreams come true.  Really, truly.

I am already completely emotionally attached to this baby.  I’m so scared that something will happen.  I called my wonderful OB today to let her know the news.  She asked if I wanted to be treated like a “normal” pregnant woman, or if I wanted more reassurance.  I’m sure you can guess my answer.  She told me to come in for a blood draw today to check HCG and progesterone levels.  I’ll go back either Wednesday or Thursday for another blood draw and pray for doubling HCG.  If all goes well, she’ll do an ultrasound around 6 weeks to check for a heartbeat.  Thank goodness she understands my paranoia and need for reassurance using scientific data (numbers)!

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Responses

  1. Remember when I wrote this in my email, “if I could make it happen, I would wish you pregnant again by tomorrow morning, but we both know my wishes don’t always come true.”

    I guess my wishes for other people do come true. Holy freakin’ cow – what a responsibility! As a fellow infertile (regardless of your currently status), you know I have to hate you now. (kidding) (sort of) (just insanely, insanely jealous)

  2. OMG!!!! Congrats!!! That is amazing! I can’t stop smiling for you!!!! Yay!!!

  3. Oh.My.God.

    This is crazy!!!!! I am happy for you. You can do this. I have a friend who has twins a little older than yours and she just had a new baby…you can do this!

  4. GREAT NEWS!!! Very happy for you honey…even though you sound a little scared rigth now (I would be too…shocker and all). We have friends who have a 18mo baby girl and are now preggo with twins…similar situation…but they did IVF for this last pregnancy…you were the other way around.

    Well, I’m sure you’ll need some time for this great news to soak in…and your hubby will need to find a way to fit 3 car seats in his new car now…take it all one day at a time…deep breath.

    Happy for you!

  5. OMG, you sound exactly like me 3 years ago. Our 4 year old twins and 2 1/2 year old baby are amazing. 3 is definitely hard. But all the things you wrote about? I so went through all that too. Enjoy this pregnancy and enjoy the amazing ride!

  6. Congrats! Your are only given what you can handle! You will find a way to make everything work-I know you can! Look into an au pair-we have one for the twins-less expensive than day care, make your own hours, and they get together with other au pairs if you want to let the kids play. We love ours! Only possible drawback is they live with you so you have to have the space and be ok with anther in your house. Great experience for us! If you want info, email or FB me! 🙂


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