Why

Fuck.  Why did I ever think this could possibly be so easy?  Why did I start thinking about fitting three car seats in one car, worrying about finances with three kids in daycare, getting my maternity clothes out, planning a nursery in my head and a million other things.  In my mind, we were already a family of 5.

The ultrasound this morning showed no heartbeat and a gestational sac/fetal pole measuring only 5w4d.  I’m currently 6w4d based on the date of my last period.  There is a chance I ovulated late and this could still work out.  However, I just don’t think I would have had a positive pee stick on cd 30 if I did ovulate late (especially a week late).  I’m crushed.

They took blood today and will call tomorrow with HCG and progesterone levels.  If the bloodwork gives us any hope, they’ll have me come in for another ultrasound next week.  If the bloodwork shows the pregnancy is “not progressing,” I have three options (1) wait a week to see if my body will miscarry on its own, (2) take medicine to force miscarriage, or (3) schedule a D&C.

This just couldn’t be easy, could it?  I really don’t want to add pregnancy loss to my infertility resume.